im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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