Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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