I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize