What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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