I looked at my own cervix.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
