Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize