I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She said her name was "party"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
