Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
