I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
