I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
