Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
