Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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