watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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