is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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