You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
