Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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