He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
