Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
