he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
