Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
