I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize