i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
