And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
