Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Dignity is for republicans.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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