can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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