Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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