Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
