I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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