I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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