Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
