fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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