if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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