It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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