Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
