I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
