I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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