i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
