The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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