I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
