it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
