you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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