He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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