3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
