you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
