I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize