Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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