at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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