Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize