Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
