I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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