Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
