He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
