I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize