Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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