I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
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