Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
