Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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