Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
