some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
