I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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