my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
