Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
