She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
