you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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