You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
