the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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