that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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