Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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