I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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