PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
