my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
bring money and cleavage
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
