even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Drunk is not a location!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
