There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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