i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
