her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
