i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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