Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
