dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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