Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Randomize
