I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Randomize
