I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
