She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
