Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
