Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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