So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
