im drinking this country out of the recession.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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