My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize