Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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