I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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