you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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