Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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