a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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