His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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