PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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