Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
What a dumb baby whore.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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