Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
