do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
