and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
