Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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